But... Mama, where it go?!!!!

Today Eva, Yaya and I had a little outing. We went up the hill to Petco, Michael's, and Office Max. At Petco, Eva's 2nd favorite store in the universe, we looked at all of the animals, and one of us squealed with delight, when the big brown floppy eared bunny came over to say hi. We then went into Michael's, which is a great store, filled with many things to occupy a 2 year old with (after you purchase them), it is always a struggle to get Eva through that store without attempting to pull every single item in stock, off of the shelves. Anyhow, today was no different, they had a ton of Easter crafts right in front of you as you walk in, and as I mentioned earlier, Eva had recently bonded with a bunny, so she was all about the bunny items that were being flaunted in her face. After careful negotiations, a semi-tantrum and a threat of being put into the cart.. with the buckle!!!(gets her every time, she hates those buckles), we were able to pass by the over priced bunny crafts. We moseyed over to the dollar section, and Eva picked out a pencil with a butterfly eraser and an "empty coloring book" (a notebook). She carried her new items very tightly through the trip to Office Max. When we finally made it back to the car, she could wait no longer, so I took the cellophane off of her items, and she was drawing a lovely picture, then she thought that she would have a little snack of eraser. "No Eva, that is not a sucker!" I then explained to her what an eraser was, and how it was used, she gave me that "oh, I get it, you've been smoking crack again" look. So I showed her I drew a line in her book, then erased it. Her jaw hit the floor. It was magic. She lifted the book, examined the eraser. Then she whispered "whoaaaaa" She then made a scribble and erased it herself. After a few pages of erased pictures she said "But.... Mama, where it go?!!!" I thought about it, and imagined a parallel universe where everything that everyone had ever erased had gone... All the people and books that were intentionally erased from history, all of the mean and spiteful things that people thought better of, all of those term papers that were lost because of a reformatting error.... I realized that I did not know what to say to her, where did the erased markings go? "They are just gone" is what I told her, she accepted it, but I don't think that it is an acceptable answer. Does anyone have an answer for that?

The Plague

Black death has come to visit the Crowley/Owens household. It has been unpleasant to say the least. Both The Girl and I have had a head cold that has taken over out livlihood, of course Ms. Eva has more energy to battle it, but I am not so energetically endowed, and have lost my voice, and my ability to breathe when laying on my back. Eva took advantage of my voice loss by being especially... adventerous on Sunday. Eva is much better today, still has a bit of cough, and my voice has returned, although I sound a bit like Kermit the Frog with a wicked hangover... so hopefully we are truly on the upswing...

I have started an Avon business, so iffin you like Avon, come check out my Avon website at www.youravon.com/kerryowens you can order from me, from anywhere in the country and have the products shipped directly to you! Pretty fancy I say, pretty fancy indeed.

I have decided to put school on the back burner for awhile, until I can regroup, and figure out exactly where I stand in this crazy crazy world.

...previously in our life...

So Eva, my dearest little two year old exclaimed at the size of my butt! She said "Whoa Mama, that's BIG butt!!" And yes the child was talking to me, about me... so sad. In the wee hours of the morning, The Girl came into my room and crawled into bed with me. When my alarm woke us up, Eva was not entirely our of her dream, but she was talking to me. It was hilarious, she was talking absolute nonsense, but was 100% serious about it. When she finally woke up all the way, she looked at me and asked "what are you doing here?" That poor girl is going to be a sleep walker/talker like her mama. Which is a characteristic that can get you into a ton of trouble... and yes, that is experience talking. Hopefully she does not inherit my constant nightmares.

I have been contemplating moving. My life has made an incredible turn for the worst over the last year, and I think that it is time to stop attempting to salvage what I have here and move on to where I can find a new medium to re-build, and make a better life for the Schnuk and I. I have been trying to decide if moving is running, I do not want to run away, I want to move away free and clear, with nothing left behind that can potentially haunt me and destroy whatever wondefulness that awaits me. I just am not going to allow that. I know what I need to get done financially and legally. I have been writing down over and over all the reasons why I want to move, and all the reasons to not move. I must admit, it is horribly painful to be entirely honest with yourself, it is messy business. But nobody else can do it... I don't know I think that my biggest apprehension is moving so far away from Yaya and Uncle... They are a very HUGE part of both mine and Eva's lives.